She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
