Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize