Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
