plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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