I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
