No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
