You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
