someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
