Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
