How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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