I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
