Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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