So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
