My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
