love makes seman taste better
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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