If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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