Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So much rum. So many feels.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
