the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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