What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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