My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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