I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
