What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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