please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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