Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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