Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
