ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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