i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
