So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize