I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
