I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
