and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
