i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
