the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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