I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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