We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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