ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
