Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
