Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
