I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
