It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
