I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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