sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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