Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
