They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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