i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
