Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
