I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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