I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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