I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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