If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
