I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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