Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
