Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
