just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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