how can u be prego again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
