listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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