see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
