No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well you can't waste a boner
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
