I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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