plz talk dirty to me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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