We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
