Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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