I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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