Only a mothe r could love this liver
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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