I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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