he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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