You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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