I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
